In your eyes,
A heart to heart.
What’s on your mind?
From a distant past.
I see it.
I feel it.
But that’s not real any more.
I feel alone, empty. No matter what I do to help myself, I can’t seem to make it stop.
I can be surrounded by all my loved ones, but still be missing you tremendously.
Pretending that I’m strong enough, that I don’t need your approval, or your love…
It costs me so much effort and energy to protect myself from you, and the thought of you.
I love you with every fiber of my body, and yet that isn’t enough.
You don’t see me.
You don’t hear me.
You don’t care.
I crave your attention, even though I have no right to do so.
I expect you to show me love, when you literally have no obligation to me.
I thought I was an important part of your life, when clearly, I’m not.
You didn’t choose me, you chose her…I just came along with it.
The sad truth is that I miss you, but most of it, what you represent to me:
Unconditional love that I never had from the man that should have given it to me, but never did.
My heart has lead me to painful memories.
My brain has planned failures and sabotages.
Delusions of my vision, materializing the impossible.
Heard voices that wouldn’t allow me to move, or breath.
People I’ve loved had abused me, mentally and physically.
I’ve been so paranoid that I wouldn’t come out from under my sheets.
I’ve trusted people that only wanted to use me.
I tried to kill myself.
I’ve wished I was dead.
I can’t trust myself.
Now, my love…How can I trust you?
This is our field, and as such, strategy is a must:
Laugh with you as our bodies touch in this perfect dance, and feel the pain on my fingertips but still be willing to never want to stop or give up, until the concert is over.
After all those feelings of pleasure…bow down, exit and leave you wanting to come back for more.