Have

Life…vibrant.

flowing, echoing.

 

Inside.

The rush, my heart.

 

Air.

Freeing my words.

Accidentes y vidas

Te vi llegar…y no supe hacer nada más que bloquearme.

Pánico.

Crash!

Abro los ojos,

Sangre.

Niños al suelo.

Sin diente.

Pensamientos que no pueden parar.

Sin sentir el dolor.

Sin entender.

Sin poder.

Con vida.

 

When more means nothing…and nothing is worse

This feeling of abandonment is still here, rooted in my soul.

I feel alone, empty. No matter what I do to help myself, I can’t seem to make it stop.

I can be surrounded by all my loved ones, but still be missing you tremendously.

Pretending that I’m strong enough, that I don’t need your approval, or your love…

It costs me so much effort and energy to protect myself from you, and the thought of you.

I love you with every fiber of my body, and yet that isn’t enough.

You don’t see me.

You don’t hear me.

You don’t care.

I crave your attention, even though I have no right to do so.

I expect you to show me love, when you literally have no obligation to me.

I thought I was an important part of your life, when clearly, I’m not.

You didn’t choose me, you chose her…I just came along with it.

The sad truth is that I miss you, but most of it, what you represent to me:

Unconditional love that I never had from the man that should have given it to me, but never did.

Trust & Issues

My heart has lead me to painful memories.
My brain has planned failures and sabotages.
Delusions of my vision, materializing the impossible.
Heard voices that wouldn’t allow me to move, or breath.
People I’ve loved had abused me, mentally and physically.
I’ve been so paranoid that I wouldn’t come out from under my sheets.
I’ve trusted people that only wanted to use me.
I tried to kill myself.
I’ve wished I was dead.
I can’t trust myself.

Now, my love…How can I trust you?

Chemistry and intimacy

Looking deeply into your eyes, never a break until the volcano erupts in that disastrous lava that we crave, becoming greedy and shameless.
I feel the tenderness of your lips, tongue, on my weakest spots…Bermuda triangles with coordinates that you’ve learned to read and navigate, exciting me, making me what I hate to be: human and vulnerable.
You’ve managed to put me against myself: daring to fail.                    

This is our field, and as such, strategy is a must:

The war of love against pleasure.
One road to purity, unity, and humanity, but also the gates of an unperfected hell, where cowardness and shame expect me.
Tired, weak, shaking… I’ll still continue till my last breath.
A pleasure that will be lost in the silence of these walls that I’ve built and broken so many times before.

The pain caused by the battle is satisfaction, achievement, and addiction that it’s hard to get rid of because…
It never feels so good to lose power and control.

Thunders during the storm.

This is definitely the biggest raindrop I’ve ever felt, seen, and the wind?! So strong…

It is a good day: the day that I decide to get rid of you. Forever.
I’ll miss you…for a few days…and then it’s over.

The decision to love myself came late, whatever that is, late, too late for me. I know better.

For years you’ve been my friend, my air, my rest and my secure place.

Yeah, I’ll miss you for sure…but you’re killing me.
For years all I wanted was to be with you.

Now I know that I’ll be happier without you, richer, healthy from your poison and your lies of false support.

I don’t hate you, on the contrary…but I chose to love myself more.

We’ll part ways with a celebration…after that never again.

The pianist of our bodies.

I want to love you the way that the pianist loves the touch and sound of the notes;make love to you with my eyes closed, just as we enjoy every sensation while feeling your fingers touching my hidden keys.

Laugh with you as our bodies touch in this perfect dance, and feel the pain on my fingertips but still be willing to never want to stop or give up, until the concert is over.

After all those feelings of pleasure…bow down, exit and leave you wanting to come back for more.

Animal comes to play.

A wind that carries me away,
On a dance that I love, but can’t let myself go.
This tango isn’t meant to be, it breaks my heart, endlessly.

Rains.
Cold.
Shivers.

I grab onto my legs,
I can feel it, I’m losing control.
But I won’t.

I understand the beast, see it and hear it too, while it tries to shake my fundamentals.
But never my soul.

When it comes, beautiful, sensual beast of deception,
I’m tempted to play.
But I won’t risk my life no more.

The beast won’t win today.
Ever.
I am here to stay.

My scars will do the talking.
Ph: Juany Sanchez Lino

Super + Power = SupermePower (Mom’s secret recipe)

Me: Cooking isn’t my passion, but I’m an expert at Mixing! On the other hand, cooking is my mom’s area of expertise, so please, come closer and read, cause I have a new recipe that I would like to teach: my Mom’s Secret Recipe for Power!
Ma: Do you recognize that feeling called Happiness?
Super!
We add it with some Passion, because any good Work, can’t be done without it, obviously…

Tastes like Sugar, wanna try?
Good, right?

Me: How much happiness is enough?
And passion?

Ma: You’ll feel it.
Now let’s mix it: Up, Straight, Round and Down, and continue until you feel dizzy, sorry, I meant: the Emotions Look Mixed!
Narrator: Confused?
You should be, because the taste, ehm ehm, FEELING was the right word, sorry…

?

Me: How much happiness is enough?
And passion?
And mixing?

Ma: Just think, feel, add and taste!
It still needs some Love!

Me: I hate cooking!
Ma: It’s really cheap and convenient recipe, I’m sure you can do it, and it’s healthy too!

Narrator: For the Prize of a Little bit of your Attention, Time, and Patience I’ll give to you:

Ma: POWER!
(Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)!

Me: it tastes delicious ma, great work!
Side Effects may include: Growing Up; Feeling Amazing; Learning New Things and Taking Responsibility for your Actions.

P.s. It tastes even better if you let it Rest for a while before you Eat it!

🙂

Narrator: You can leave, get offended, and she too could, but you’re both fighters, so stay until you can find a way that works for all of you.

Me: Ma, it worked!
Ma: (…)Yes, talk to you Soon SweetHeart, okay? Love you!

Me: Love you more Ma, thank you.
Click.
Empowered.

Evolution.

Getting to know one another, no more Fear.
  You discovered fire. I Ice. And Ice always win.
That’s what we want and need.
   Reality, a better one.
Discovering that when I’m feeling overwhelmed an ice cube can bring me back to this reality.
Something small, not painful and effective.
Let’s help each other out, it’s cold outside.
Don’t Feel Cold for No Reason.
A hug, a smile, an animal that looks at you with his curious eyes.
I love it.

P.s. Just saying…good tip for the psychotic days and for the people that don’t know what to do for the people they love.

Help us go back, leave the fire that we have inside, and give us the cold, loving way of bringing us back into this world.