Trust & Issues

My heart has lead me to painful memories.
My brain has planned failures and sabotages.
Delusions of my vision, materializing the impossible.
Heard voices that wouldn’t allow me to move, or breath.
People I’ve loved had abused me, mentally and physically.
I’ve been so paranoid that I wouldn’t come out from under my sheets.
I’ve trusted people that only wanted to use me.
I tried to kill myself.
I’ve wished I was dead.
I can’t trust myself.

Now, my love…How can I trust you?

Out of my comfort zone.

It has been a while since I’ve updated my “status” so…this is what I’ve been up to:                      

1. I’m back on medication…that is triggering by itself, and I haven’t stopped since my last episode.

2. I’ve started therapy…let me tell you: I’m proud of all the people that struggle with all those feelings that come up from reliving your traumas and triggers during therapy!

👏👏👏

That. Is. Tough! I’ve been having all these mixed episodes…

Some days I feel so overwhelmed that I don’t even know what I’m feeling! What I do know for sure, is that I don’t want to feel that way.

One of my biggest struggles is change, so…be prepared for some real triggering stuff in the near future!

3. I’ve collaborated with the multi-talented Martina Bertola.  <3

(part 1)(part 2)(emotionsdon’tscareme)(Animus&Anima)

4. I’ve been actively promoting my poetry/art (or whatever it is)…Waaaaay out of my comfort zone!

First was reading my poems for the Worldbipolarday in Haarlem…in Dutch! 🙈 (plusminus)   

I was so nervous, shaking and making mistakes, OH MY GOOOOD! Terrifying!

In May – June I had my second exposition, with pictures and poems that I hope went straight to the/your heart 😉   (Wijkcentrum Alleman)

Then went to a “Poeziemiddag” and decided to improvise and recite some of my poems, live, again! I must admit it went better, I’m proud of myself =)

That escalated into me doing it a third time…soon 😱:

Will you be there? I have a surprise for you! =)

(het nederlands blog initiatief)